Indigo Children

Today I was going to write something about the absurdity of psychics who help the police (and psychics in general). Instead I am going to discuss something equally absurd but possibly even more disturbing. First though, two quick facts about psychics:

1. Over 50% of Americans believe in psychics.
2. All psychics are frauds.

Now on to the absurdity that is “Indigo Children.”

Indigo children are paranormally gifted individuals who give off strong auras (only visible to them) and represent the next level of human evolution. If you are an indigo child, I strongly recommend… no, I implore you to DISCONTINUE reading immediately.

Basically a husband and wife team wrote a book about how some children (up to 95% of the population born after 1994 in some estimates… which really sucks for the 5% of mere mortals) had special psychic powers. (Technically the guy didn’t come up with the ideas but channeled them through a spirit named Kryon but whatever.) I recommend the following sites-- crazy hippie nonsense and more crazy hippie nonsense -- for hilariously ridiculous definitions of indigo children.

Apparently these indigo kids do not like authority, waiting in line, or putting up with non-indigos and they need to be treated differently from other children. Indigo expert (read: “crazy yet internet savvy hippie”) Wendy Chapman suggests being honest with them, not trying to manipulate them, and putting them in classes to develop their psychic talents. A CNN special on the topic illustrates both the ludicrous credibility the ideas seem to have garnered as well as Anderson Cooper’s extreme desperation for material.

In reality, indigo kids are merely spoiled, fat, awkward, suffering from ADD or afflicted with a combination of these traits. They don’t fit in very well with their peers but are somewhat intelligent so they pretend to see auras and angels and join online communities of other such disillusioned teens. (I actually briefly entertained the idea of pretending to be indigo and trying to pick up indigo chicks [or single mothers raising indigo children] in these online communities but then I realized this would almost certainly doom me to hell. What can i say... nothing turns me on more than someone with self esteem so low that they pretend to see ghosts to make friends.) Their insane hippie parents inexplicably encourage their delusions and the vicious cycle of hippie nonsense continues. It is really truly sad. Parents, your children do not need psychic classes. They probably need some discipline, a break from World of Warcraft, some advice on making friends, and possibly even some Ritalin.

If you’ve read this far then chances are good you don’t believe you are an indigo child. You may not be the most popular, best looking, most athletic, funniest, or smartest kid in your class but at least you don’t pretend to see a purple aura around people or channel psychic energy in a desperate attempt for attention. Good for you.