Frivolous Lawsuits

When the going gets tough in America… sue someone. I don’t really have a problem with people suing other people- - people are stupid- - but I do have a problem with courts entertaining their pathetic pleas. We could look at the multitude of idiotic past lawsuits but instead we’ll stick to current events.

The first law suit is basically “people who smoke light cigarettes” vs. “the tobacco companies.”
The light cigarette smokers maintain that the tobacco companies lied about how the “health benefits” of light cigarettes over their non-light counterparts. This is kind of like an NFL quarterback throwing the ball into the stands and then pleading with the referee for pass interference. Maybe an infraction did occur but it does not warrant a penalty. Cigarettes contain chemicals detrimental to your health and everyone knows this. Whatever, why hold yourself personally accountable when you can just sue a tobacco company?

Anti-smoking advocates, predictably, are endorsing this lawsuit. This is ironic because if the defendants win this lawsuit I’m guessing the number of people who decide to switch to gum will be dwarfed by the people who use the money to buy a carton of cigarettes.

Whereas the aforementioned lawsuit only borders on lunacy (I’m rapidly running out of synonyms for “dumb.”) the next set of lawsuits cannot be even remotely justified. (Random aside: putting a period within quotation marks looks weird. They should change that.)

Nickelodeon, Kellogg, Nabisco, and Viacom are all facing lawsuits related to childhood obesity. Their detractors claim that these companies are marketing unhealthy food to children. Some guy is even trying to get Oreos banned in California by babbling about trans fat. (Some people are even proposing banning trans fat in New York City.)

These lawsuits might be valid if trans fat was the codename for an evil villain who broke into people’s houses and injected pure fat into them while they slept. It might also be legitimate if Viacom was hiring goons to force feed fat kids Twinkies. That being said, to my knowledge, these treacherous acts have not occurred. Wake up and smell the coffee (and then promptly sue Dunkin’ Donuts for not telling you the caffeine could keep you awake at night). People, especially kids, are fat because they eat unhealthy foods and they do not exercise enough. We might as well sue Nintendo for childhood obesity. I could go on about whiny fat people and whiny parents of fat children but it would just seem like I hated fat people. I don’t hate fat people… just fat people that blame others for their weight problems. Honestly, if having to wear your t-shirt in the pool isn’t enough to make you want to lose weight then I doubt a ban on Oreos in your state will turn you into John Basedow.

The next lawsuit I’m just linking and assuring you it did not take place at my alma mater. (I actually found it on The Volokh Conspiracy and I think you are supposed to cite it or do a trackback or something but I’m hoping all will be forgiven considering I gave them credit... and because I have an audience of four people.)

In summation, the only difference between people who win frivolous lawsuits and common criminals is that I respect some criminals.