America Online Instant Messenger is an amazing communication tool that facilitates quick conversations, online stalking, and procrastination. Unfortunately, AIM (as the kids call it) has also spawned many annoying behaviors that I will elaborate on below.
Inconsistent use of “laughing”- Laughing on AIM can be accomplished in many ways- - haha, hahaha, hahahahahah, LOL (laughing out loud), LMAO (laughing my ass off), ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing), and BBL (big belly laugh... used predominantly in Europe). “LOL” pisses me off in general but this might just be because I’m bitter. What really pisses me off is inconsistent use of AIM laughter. You should have a set “scale” of laughter. For example, “haha” if it’s in the range from “barely funny” to “somewhat funny”, “hahaha” if it is genuinely funny, and “hahahahaha” if it is extremely funny. (Note: I will on occasion use, “I just laughed out loud” if I actually laughed aloud. I think it clarifies things nicely.) In conclusion, figure out a reasonable scale and stick to it. There really is no reason not to do this.
Emoticons- This should be self explanatory but I guess its not ;-) Like so many other things (drinking daquiris, talking about their feelings, crying during romance movies, and using “it’s that time of the month” as a legitimate excuse), emoticons are only slightly more acceptable when females use them :-( Please refrain from utilizing them :D
Self-promoting profile quotes- I don’t have a problem with people putting quotes in profiles but I do have a problem with putting funny things YOU said in your own profile. It’s cocky and annoying. If you have going to have any remotely funny self-quote in your profile it must be followed directly (within the same AIM conversation) by someone else saying something at least five times funnier than what you said. You might as well just put, “I think I’m really funny but I’m clearly not,” in your profile.
The Never Ending Away Message- This annoys me to no end. Have you ever talked to someone online whose away message pops after each IM? For example:
PatheticDude69: Hey
AnnoyingAIMchick1: Hey
PatheticDude69: I really need to tell you something
Auto response from AnnoyingAIMchick1: I have soooo much work
AnnoyingAIMchick1: What?
PatheticDude69: Well, this is kind of hard for me to say....
Auto response from AnnoyingAIMchick1: I have soooo much work
PatheticDude69: Are you still there?
Auto response from AnnoyingAIMchick1: I have soooo much work
AnnoyingAIMchick1: Yeah
PatheticDude69: Nevermind
(Note: He was pathetic because he was about to ask her to marry him on AIM)
This is generally, but not exclusively, confined to the feminine persuasion.
Intentional Misspelling- Fact: “Wuz” has the same amount of letters as “was”. So in essence, you are saving zero keystrokes and just making yourself look much dumber. Other examples include, “kewl”, “lata”, “4”, “becuz”, and “dis”. I think this is pretty stupid but, on the other hand, since this language is generally confined to legally retarded people and 14 year olds, it can help you avoid potentially illegal sexual encounters. For example:
14tryingtobe21: hey
Ontheprowl14: Hi, how old are you?
14tryingtobe21: 21, u?
Ontheprowl14: 32… what are you up to tonight?
14tryingtobe21: kewl, wuz ur name?
Ontheprowl14: um… Bob
14tryingtobe21: LOL, kewl, wanna meet up at dis party lata?
Ontheprowl14: I gotta go
14tryingtobe21: 4 real? ok, laterz
Another potential incarceration-inducing situation avoided. Yes!
This is enough for now. At some later date I may go into the “One IM and Ignore” move, whiny away messages, and girls who type, “hey man” but that’s another bitter diatribe for another time.
Inconsistent use of “laughing”- Laughing on AIM can be accomplished in many ways- - haha, hahaha, hahahahahah, LOL (laughing out loud), LMAO (laughing my ass off), ROTFL (rolling on the floor laughing), and BBL (big belly laugh... used predominantly in Europe). “LOL” pisses me off in general but this might just be because I’m bitter. What really pisses me off is inconsistent use of AIM laughter. You should have a set “scale” of laughter. For example, “haha” if it’s in the range from “barely funny” to “somewhat funny”, “hahaha” if it is genuinely funny, and “hahahahaha” if it is extremely funny. (Note: I will on occasion use, “I just laughed out loud” if I actually laughed aloud. I think it clarifies things nicely.) In conclusion, figure out a reasonable scale and stick to it. There really is no reason not to do this.
Emoticons- This should be self explanatory but I guess its not ;-) Like so many other things (drinking daquiris, talking about their feelings, crying during romance movies, and using “it’s that time of the month” as a legitimate excuse), emoticons are only slightly more acceptable when females use them :-( Please refrain from utilizing them :D
Self-promoting profile quotes- I don’t have a problem with people putting quotes in profiles but I do have a problem with putting funny things YOU said in your own profile. It’s cocky and annoying. If you have going to have any remotely funny self-quote in your profile it must be followed directly (within the same AIM conversation) by someone else saying something at least five times funnier than what you said. You might as well just put, “I think I’m really funny but I’m clearly not,” in your profile.
The Never Ending Away Message- This annoys me to no end. Have you ever talked to someone online whose away message pops after each IM? For example:
PatheticDude69: Hey
AnnoyingAIMchick1: Hey
PatheticDude69: I really need to tell you something
Auto response from AnnoyingAIMchick1: I have soooo much work
AnnoyingAIMchick1: What?
PatheticDude69: Well, this is kind of hard for me to say....
Auto response from AnnoyingAIMchick1: I have soooo much work
PatheticDude69: Are you still there?
Auto response from AnnoyingAIMchick1: I have soooo much work
AnnoyingAIMchick1: Yeah
PatheticDude69: Nevermind
(Note: He was pathetic because he was about to ask her to marry him on AIM)
This is generally, but not exclusively, confined to the feminine persuasion.
Intentional Misspelling- Fact: “Wuz” has the same amount of letters as “was”. So in essence, you are saving zero keystrokes and just making yourself look much dumber. Other examples include, “kewl”, “lata”, “4”, “becuz”, and “dis”. I think this is pretty stupid but, on the other hand, since this language is generally confined to legally retarded people and 14 year olds, it can help you avoid potentially illegal sexual encounters. For example:
14tryingtobe21: hey
Ontheprowl14: Hi, how old are you?
14tryingtobe21: 21, u?
Ontheprowl14: 32… what are you up to tonight?
14tryingtobe21: kewl, wuz ur name?
Ontheprowl14: um… Bob
14tryingtobe21: LOL, kewl, wanna meet up at dis party lata?
Ontheprowl14: I gotta go
14tryingtobe21: 4 real? ok, laterz
Another potential incarceration-inducing situation avoided. Yes!
This is enough for now. At some later date I may go into the “One IM and Ignore” move, whiny away messages, and girls who type, “hey man” but that’s another bitter diatribe for another time.
posted by joketrump at 7:45 PM
4 Comments:
Sub par.
-Tim
Kenny loves self-promoting profile quotes.
Tim- Blow me. Not every article is going to be pseudo-edgy, pseudo-conservative, pseudo-atheistic political ranting. Just be happy I purposely left out the section on whiny away messages.
Lisa- His profile is unusually free of such self-promotion at the moment... maybe he reads my blog. If just one person reads it and removes just one "Look how funny I think I am quote" from their profile then I think I have left the world a better place.
John-
Thank you for leaving me a better place.
-The World
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