American Idol

I have a serious problem with “American Idol.” The problem is not that it promotes crappy mindless music or that it emphasizes looks over musical talent or that it glorifies singers who don’t write their own music. I’m also surprisingly fine with the pathetically bizarre lengths to which the show’s characters go for attention.

For example, Ryan Seacrest’s sexual ambivalence…

Larry King Live 2003

KING: But you're not a metrosexual?
SEACREST: I don't think I really am.

Larry King Live 2005-

KING: Are you metrosexual?
SEACREST: Oh, for sure.

or Simon Cowell’s pointless declarations of love for animals.

or the whole “Frenchie Davis Topless Internet Pictures” controversy. (Prompting the age-old question “Should you really get in trouble for posing on an adult website if you are so fat that zero non-perverted people actually viewed it for anything beyond curiosity… after which they instantly regretted it?”)

What really disturbs me is the show’s exploitation of people with serious psychological disorders for humor and profit. It’s wrong and it should be stopped. Think about it… hundreds and thousands of people all try out for a spot on the televised portion of the show. Simon, Randy Jackson, and Paula Abdul only judge the last few rounds after the competition has been slimmed down but yet they still get their fair share of horrendous singers. This means that the Idol powers-that-be intentionally let through some people who suck. These people get on TV, perform so horribly it’s amusing, Simon rips on them, and some of them burst into tears, crushed by the disappointment because they truly thought they had what it took to be a professional singer.

Who actually are these people? These are people who came to an audition of as many as 16,000 people thinking they had talent because they are completely tone deaf and their equally tone deaf grandmother had always encouraged their dreams. Despite being some of the worst singers in the entire audition group, and despite knowing (if they have ever watched the program on TV) that the show intentionally takes bad singers… they still thought they were professional caliber. The producers’ choice to move them through the rounds to the TV portions only encourages their outrageous fantasies. A fair amount of these people probably suffer from histrionic or narcissistic personality disorders, and harbor severe delusions of grandeur and yet millions of American families watch this and laugh.

But America loves being hypocritical this way. The judges criticize some fat or gay contestants and people start planning protest marches. The show exploits people with psychological disorders and we laugh to ourselves, “Hey, at least I’m not as dumb as that person.” Ultimately I could care less about these nutcases but it just seems to be if I’m not allowed to make fun of blacks, Jews, Muslims, Chinese, Mexicans, gays, anorexics, bulimics, midgets, people with non-terminal cancer, or Jehovah’s Witnesses than some British prick shouldn’t get the satisfaction of ripping on mental cases and getting paid for it.