(Not So) Recent News Stories I Didn't Care About

(From my extensive collection of archives... sorry about the lack of links)

“’Borat’ Offends People”

"Amanda Clegg, 7, of College Station, Texas, burst into tears when she heard Borat go on VH1 and say Kazahkstan is not a good country for adoption. “It’s hurtful to young kids who don’t get satire,” said her mother, Susan. “She knows she’s from Kazakhstan. It’s not something we try to hide.” (Via the Boston Globe, but its archived now)

Some mother (among others) complained because her 7-year old adopted daughter from Kazakhstan saw a Borat clip on VH1 and started crying. Was this before or after you explained to her the correct context in which to understand the Flavor of Love 2 Reunion Special? At one point the government of Kazakhstan threatened legal action… Borat’s response was priceless.

Update: I'm (was) watching Fox News which has on some random conservative chick who is bashing the movie by calling it a liberal movie making fun of red-state conservatives. She says that mainly “frat boys” and “fans of John Stewart” will like the movie. She’s a total bitch. (If this movie captures both the Dane Cook-crowd and the Bush Sucks-crowd it is going to make a lot of money.)

“Should Madonna Be Allowed to Adopt?”

The life expectancy in Malawi is about 37. Somewhere between 15-30% of the population is HIV positive. Child mortality is at 10% and the boy’s father supports the adoption. The boy has spent the majority of his life in an orphanage. And yet human rights groups seriously had enough time on their hands to protest this adoption on the grounds that Madonna might have used her fame to speed up the paperwork? Wow.

“Penn President Gutmann Poses with Terrorist Trick-or-Treater”

This is only news because Gutmann is a liberal who would have flipped out if she saw someone dressed as Hitler or a Klan member. It’s Halloween and people dress up as things. Who cares if the costume was a little tasteless in the eyes of the easily offended? I love how Gutmann claims she didn’t recognize the Syrian guy with TNT strapped to his chest as a terrorist at first. What did we learn from this story? Get a few drinks in President Gutmann and she actually has a decent sense of humor? Or Gutmann pulled off the princess costume way better than Shirley would have?

(The Michelle Malkin link is purely to show the picture... which is fairly hard to find these days on the net.)

“The Little 3-Year Old That Almost Died ”

He almost died but had surgery and now, “You can just see it in him, he wants to survive.” He is young and many people are emotionally invested in his recovery. He has received get-well cards, flowers, hundreds of gift baskets, thousands of drawings from children, and tens of thousands of emails. Why don’t I care? Because “he” is Barbaro. He is a horse. If you couldn’t bet on horse racing it would be more elitist than polo. And conversely, we’d actually care about polo if we could bet on it. If you make your kid draw a picture to send to a race horse you either own the racehorse or you have a major gambling problem.

“Wal-Mart Hates Families”

Wal Mart as a new policy which say if you are ten minutes late for work three times you will get a demerit. If you get too many demerits you will be fired. Critics of the new policy are calling it antifamily and restrictive. They say, “God forbid they face a child or friend with a medical emergency.” Call me an idealist but I think Wal Mart might cut you a break if your kid’s appendix bursts. I really hope these “protestors” are small in number.

“School Bus Driver Flips Off Bush; Loses Job”

A school bus driver with a bus of kids flipped off George Bush’s motorcade in Seattle. This fits in with a “pattern of behavior” she had exhibited in the past. She was fired. She is now fighting for her job back. People are calling it an injustice. I’m honestly wondering what actually qualifies as a “legitimate” excuse to fire someone since “repeatedly showing up late” and “flipping off the president in front of a bunch of kids” are apparently both off limits and “sleeping with two fifteen year old students” only might get you fired.

John Kerry Thinks the Military is Stupid

The recent John Kerry scandal is pretty disappointing. It makes me really sad to see the many people on the many different sides of this “controversy” acting so poorly. Digesting this little fiasco fills me with the same feeling of disgust I get when I‘m in a rush but cannot walk on the escalator because of the fourteen year old couple necking in front of me.* If I’m sleep deprived and the couple is a biracial mix of Asian female and Caucasian male (don’t ask, I can’t explain it) I get really, really frustrated with humanity. Anyway, this “scandal” replicates that feeling of contempt quite well.

First off let’s here is what Kerry said. Now let’s put forth a few possible theories of explanation.

1. Kerry believes that people who do not apply themselves in school will be forced to join the army and will end up in Iraq. He has no respect for US soldiers themselves and his joke was written with the intent of insulting them.
2. Kerry momentarily blacked out and the “joke” which slipped out reveals his deep-seated and deeply embedded contempt and disrespect for military personnel.
3. Kerry is a liberal douche who was trying to be funny by using the oft-used comedic ploy of equating “George Bush” with “lacking intelligence.” He slipped up in delivery and meant to criticize the policies of the president.

Which one of these scenarios is genuinely the most plausible? The first one is unrealistic because no politician would be stupid enough to voluntarily tell the truth if it meant detriment to their political aspirations. (Of course how many times has, “No politician would be stupid enough to [blank],” been proven wrong?) The second one just doesn’t strike me as plausible either (although more plausible than the first). So, ultimately, I think everyone is making way too much out of this non-newsworthy story. Two points to take away in the end:

1. John Kerry is remarkably stupid (or remarkably unlucky, depending on your point of view). Every politically astute Democrat in the country collectively cringed as they heard his joke while Karl Rove is probably still musing over whether or not this counts as his Christmas present from Kerry and the Democrats. And Kerry’s aggressive initial response to his critics… did he really think the republicans WOULDN’T find a former serviceman/current politician to speak out? John McCain?

2. If you are a close relative of anyone in the armed forces who had above a C average in high school or who attended any form of college and you were NOT on TV or radio or in print or on youtube this week then you missed your best chance at 3 seconds of fame. Fox News wanted you.** People that feel the need to share how offended they were are weird. (Even I can't criticize people that are doing this after losing a relative in Iraq but I still can't understand their motivations.)
   

*People who don’t walk up escalators intrigue me. Have they had a rough day? Do they always stand on escalators? Do they have foot blisters? Are they lazy? People who block everyone else from walking on escalators kill me. I just don’t get it. Escalators are designed to speed up the flow of people and walking up or down stairs is faster than standing on an escalator? How does inaction make sense?

**I really can’t hate Fox News. They provide you with decent news from a slightly conservative (on a whole… very conservative for a major news network) viewpoint. The one truly annoying trait about the network is their knack for incessantly claiming to be completely impartial. While they aren’t impartial, if you cannot weed out the fact from the right-wing spin then you are going to fall for anything… which is probably why you either religiously watch or staunchly refuse to watch their news in the first place.