Disaster in Japan

Well, they had it coming. Yup, the Japanese deserve it for plotting world domination. (I can say that, I’m probably a quarter Japanese. Oh yeah, that and the first rule of racism – if it’s about Asians, it’s not racist.) Don’t get me wrong, a world run by Japan wouldn’t be that bad. Everyone would put in a lot more effort at school and public transportation would run flawlessly. Our economy would be incredibly efficient, our society would be privately religious, and Shigeru Miyamoto would finally get Western credit for being the genius that he is. (Thank you, Mr. Miyamoto, for Mario, Donkey Kong, The Legend of Zelda, Star Fox, and Super Smash Bros.) No, really, under Japanese rule the diet of the world would improve and there would be a lot fewer poor people and drug addicts. Actually, sign me up for Japan taking over.

On a more serious note, was there any country better equipped in the world to deal with the triple whammy of disasters – earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear meltdown? The Japanese evacuation was polite and orderly… how many other countries would have experienced looting or rioting? Those who remained went about their business like a nuclear disaster wasn’t looming on their island. And come on, (besides setting back progress toward a nuclear powered future because people are complete idiots strung along by liberal politicians), isn’t this like the best thing that ever happened to the world? No country was better prepared to study natural disasters of this magnitude than Japan and the wealth of information about it will be invaluable for geological research. No major nuclear meltdown will be as well documented (if the Japanese don’t burn all evidence of the places they really screwed up) and it will become the definitive study on how to handle similar disasters going forward.

Listen, it seems like a lot of people are getting flack for jokes about the tsunami. Besides, obviously, the first rule of racism, you have to remember that “nuclear meltdown” is inherently funny. It’s even funnier because 99.99% of the time, when it’s used, it doesn’t actually refer to a nuclear meltdown. (How does that make it funnier? Don’t stop me while I’m rationalizing.) This combined with the fact that three natural disasters is very extreme leads to easy, but funny jokes like “It only took a tsunami, an earthquake, and a nuclear meltdown but the US auto industry is back!”. Clearly the use of the three natural disasters in that joke is funnier than, say, “a big government buyout”. It’s still distasteful to make these jokes though. But while we’re on the topic of governments bailing people out, what other country actively refuse help from other countries and downplay a nuclear crisis? The Japanese were like “We got this…”. (Unfortunately, they obviously didn’t have it… you can’t practice for a real nuclear disaster, no matter how hard you try.)

Ok, seriously, I don’t mean that stuff I said above about Japan. Hell, I’m not even Japanese. But I am 25% Okinawan and I know that the Japanese are the most racist people in the world. Ask the Koreans, or the Chinese, or the Okinawans, or the Ainu. So yeah, I guess they deserve it.