Annoying Stuff
Fat People on the Subway
There’s nothing I hate more than awkwardness and there’s nothing more awkward than a fat person on a crowded subway. If it’s crowded, and you are so fat that you take up two seats, you simply do not deserve to sit down. Whenever this situation occurs (fat person taking up two seats), one of two things happens. The seat-occupant either makes a half-hearted effort to ooze their blubber onto one seat (very awkward), or the seat-occupant ignores the situation (even more awkward). If you take up two seats then you should stand up on a crowded subway. I’m pretty sure this burns slightly more calories than sitting anyway. I don’t hate fat people… just fat people who inconvenience others with their girth.
The Jesus Freaks at the Port Authority Terminal
I can deal with the old Asian ladies handing out poorly written pamphlets plugging the onset of “rapture”. (Rapture is when the world is plunged into chaos, Jesus returns, and all true believers instantaneously ascend to heaven. Note that “true believers”, of course, refers only to certain groups of Christians completely devoid of common sense. It was predicted to be coming in 1988, 1989, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1997, 1998, 2000, and 2006. Amazingly, all of these predictions were wrong.)
What I can’t deal with is the clinically insane homeless man trying to get people to believe in Jesus. Does he expect your normal every-day business commuter to halt his mad dash to work, comprehend his spiritual destitution, and become a follower of Jesus? He probably does, but the thing is, he has his shoes off, he’s foaming at the mouth, and he’s dancing a jig while ranting a song about Jesus. Or he’s a 400 pound man wearing a hot pink fanny pack holding a sign saying, “The End May Be Near, Only Jesus Can Save You.” In either case, he’s not doing a very effective job of selling Christianity. Bottom line: Mentally disturbed people do not make good salespeople.
There’s nothing I hate more than awkwardness and there’s nothing more awkward than a fat person on a crowded subway. If it’s crowded, and you are so fat that you take up two seats, you simply do not deserve to sit down. Whenever this situation occurs (fat person taking up two seats), one of two things happens. The seat-occupant either makes a half-hearted effort to ooze their blubber onto one seat (very awkward), or the seat-occupant ignores the situation (even more awkward). If you take up two seats then you should stand up on a crowded subway. I’m pretty sure this burns slightly more calories than sitting anyway. I don’t hate fat people… just fat people who inconvenience others with their girth.
The Jesus Freaks at the Port Authority Terminal
I can deal with the old Asian ladies handing out poorly written pamphlets plugging the onset of “rapture”. (Rapture is when the world is plunged into chaos, Jesus returns, and all true believers instantaneously ascend to heaven. Note that “true believers”, of course, refers only to certain groups of Christians completely devoid of common sense. It was predicted to be coming in 1988, 1989, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1997, 1998, 2000, and 2006. Amazingly, all of these predictions were wrong.)
What I can’t deal with is the clinically insane homeless man trying to get people to believe in Jesus. Does he expect your normal every-day business commuter to halt his mad dash to work, comprehend his spiritual destitution, and become a follower of Jesus? He probably does, but the thing is, he has his shoes off, he’s foaming at the mouth, and he’s dancing a jig while ranting a song about Jesus. Or he’s a 400 pound man wearing a hot pink fanny pack holding a sign saying, “The End May Be Near, Only Jesus Can Save You.” In either case, he’s not doing a very effective job of selling Christianity. Bottom line: Mentally disturbed people do not make good salespeople.
posted by joketrump at 11:26 PM
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