Organ Donation

Nothing sums up the abject ignorance and religious hypocrisy of the United States population like the current problems we have with organ donation. First let’s look at some statistics. As of July 20, 2006, 92,369 people need an organ transplant with about 67,000 of them needing a kidney. In 2005, 6,369 people died because they did not receive a transplant. Approximately 300 million people could be organ donors and yet registered donors only comprise about 30% of the US population. Ultimately somewhere around 20,000 organs which could save lives end up either incinerated or rotting six feet under. So why don’t people donate their organs?

“I do not want to be an organ donor because…”

“I want to have an open casket funeral”- First of all, you can have an open casket funeral because they sow you back up again. Second, have you ever seen those waxen corpses in the open casket which barely resemble their former selves? If you are that concerned about your appearance after death you should stop worrying about having a few stitches in your corpse and start looking for the world’s best taxidermist.

“I’m afraid doctors will not work as hard to save my life”- Bogus… operating room doctors have nothing to gain from this and its insane to assume they have some bizarre moral code which goes beyond their own medical records.

“I’m afraid they will take my organs while I’m still alive”- Organ donors actually receive more tests to confirm actual death… so if you think you lack the mental and physical strength necessary to bust out of a coffin buried alive a la Uma Thurman in Kill Bill Vol. 2, then become an organ donor.

“I’m too old, too sick”- Right doctors will just slash your dead carcass open and toss your malfunctioning spleen into someone else… they do tests, stop whining grandpa and just fill out the form.

“My religion forbids it”- This is a legitimate excuse if you are Shinto, a Jehovah’s Witness, or a gypsy (which is apparently a religion and not just a term for small-handed carnival workers?). Christianity, Judaism, and Islam (even if it’s going to an infidel?) all strongly encourage organ donation. Even the Amish support it (which is kind of interesting since they don't support things like cars or electricity).

Note: Jehovah’s Witnesses allow transplants only if all the blood has been fully drained from the organ (which is not the usual procedure). I can only imagine how many times this conversation occurs…

Doctor: OK, we’ve removed the liver.

Nurse: Um, he was a Jehovah’s Witness so we are supposed to drain all the blood from it.

Doctor: How about we just go ahead and not do that and not tell anyone?

Nurse: Fine with me.

Finally, the saddest thing is that an estimated 35% of potential donations are stopped by family members after the donor’s death. I wouldn’t recommend bringing this up to your family on a daily basis but it is a good idea to make sure they know that you really want to donate your organs. In summary, all you need to know about organ donation:

1. A lot of people need your organs.
2. You have no need for your organs after you die.

Indigo Children

Today I was going to write something about the absurdity of psychics who help the police (and psychics in general). Instead I am going to discuss something equally absurd but possibly even more disturbing. First though, two quick facts about psychics:

1. Over 50% of Americans believe in psychics.
2. All psychics are frauds.

Now on to the absurdity that is “Indigo Children.”

Indigo children are paranormally gifted individuals who give off strong auras (only visible to them) and represent the next level of human evolution. If you are an indigo child, I strongly recommend… no, I implore you to DISCONTINUE reading immediately.

Basically a husband and wife team wrote a book about how some children (up to 95% of the population born after 1994 in some estimates… which really sucks for the 5% of mere mortals) had special psychic powers. (Technically the guy didn’t come up with the ideas but channeled them through a spirit named Kryon but whatever.) I recommend the following sites-- crazy hippie nonsense and more crazy hippie nonsense -- for hilariously ridiculous definitions of indigo children.

Apparently these indigo kids do not like authority, waiting in line, or putting up with non-indigos and they need to be treated differently from other children. Indigo expert (read: “crazy yet internet savvy hippie”) Wendy Chapman suggests being honest with them, not trying to manipulate them, and putting them in classes to develop their psychic talents. A CNN special on the topic illustrates both the ludicrous credibility the ideas seem to have garnered as well as Anderson Cooper’s extreme desperation for material.

In reality, indigo kids are merely spoiled, fat, awkward, suffering from ADD or afflicted with a combination of these traits. They don’t fit in very well with their peers but are somewhat intelligent so they pretend to see auras and angels and join online communities of other such disillusioned teens. (I actually briefly entertained the idea of pretending to be indigo and trying to pick up indigo chicks [or single mothers raising indigo children] in these online communities but then I realized this would almost certainly doom me to hell. What can i say... nothing turns me on more than someone with self esteem so low that they pretend to see ghosts to make friends.) Their insane hippie parents inexplicably encourage their delusions and the vicious cycle of hippie nonsense continues. It is really truly sad. Parents, your children do not need psychic classes. They probably need some discipline, a break from World of Warcraft, some advice on making friends, and possibly even some Ritalin.

If you’ve read this far then chances are good you don’t believe you are an indigo child. You may not be the most popular, best looking, most athletic, funniest, or smartest kid in your class but at least you don’t pretend to see a purple aura around people or channel psychic energy in a desperate attempt for attention. Good for you.

Blogging

I used to think that blogging was only for 14 year old girls who listen to repetitive punk music and actually think it is possible to be in love as a freshman in high school, or whiny hippie-liberals with senses of humor derived completely from the Daily Show, or young men who liked talking about their feelings as much as the aforementioned 14 year old girls. Apparently this is incorrect. According to personal man-laws (which I was forced to adapt after the so-called men of the square table passed their inane decision outlawing top toasting and lost their credibility) it is ok to have a blog as long as it does not qualify as a diary. Perhaps I’m rationalizing.